Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
only you would photoshop your dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
