see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
