I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
