just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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