I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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