you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
