last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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