got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
