I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
