why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i out mim tonsoeep
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