who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
