He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
