Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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