Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
