her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm passing your future prison.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
