he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
