dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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