3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
