saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
