Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
