Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
