Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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