Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
