I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
