I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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