who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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