i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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