did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
