Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
