god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
