I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
