Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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