Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
