I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
