Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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