He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
