The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
