the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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