just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
