You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Panties = found
Randomize
