you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
