The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
