you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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