ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
