Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
