How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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