I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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