I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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