i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
