1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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