Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just google imaged poop.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
