i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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